I did open a Zazzle store, opened a Paypal accunt, did a few Munny mods, re-arranged my work space...
Then my computer started acting up.
Then I had to troubleshoot for two weeks, TWO WEEKS! And I still coudn't figure it out.
Then, the internet signal disappeared! I couldn't connect to anyone for those same two weeks!
So I went to the local Panera and I couldn't connect THERE either. *frustrating!*
So I went to Starbucks and still, I couldn't connect despite delicious chai green tea latte goodness.
And I finally gave up, gave in. Rang up my computer guy, HappyGuy, and told him that hey, this shit sucks ass! I need my cyberjuice! HELP ME!!!!
HappyGuy traveled all the way from Brooklyn out here and with him took my laptop. I had nothing to do in those following two weeks and I shit you not, I got a bad case of the Twitter jitters. Bad enough I'm stewing in the pathetic juices of celibacy, but now I can't even Twitter! Yea, but the phone got disconnected months ago, so no go.
So what's a girl to do?
Turn into a couch potato, of course!
So I've been watching tv on the couch and believe I put a permanent indentation into it. Direct TV sent us a notice telling us it was giving us 3 mo. of free Showtime. Saw it; not impressed. It's like they only have 10 movies, EVER, and they keep replaying them on a loop. Annoying! And people would pay for this service?!
Thank god for USA Network and it's back to back NCIS episodes. And fuck TLC and all their baby shows! Whores. I threw up a little in my mouth from flipping thru and catching a clip of an obese woman giving birth. The real shit kicker was that she was cross-eyed during the push. *BLEERGH!*
So I peeled myself off the couch and did some landscaping. I actually pulled up old brickwork and replaced it. Found plenty of rusty nails mixed with concrete chunks from the days of yore. And pulled weeds out. And planted bulbs. And planted shrubs. And planted flowers. And when it was all said and done, I began clawing at the walls because ordinarily I'd be screwing right about now and now there's no hot guy to screw. Must keep busy; idle hands, the devil's tool.
Luckily HappyGuy triumphantly returned (no I did not screw him; just friends thank you) and we went to see a few movies: Wolverine, Star Trek, and Terminator:Salvation; all terrific btw! Afterwards he handed me back my laptop all fixed and such, telling me that my firewall was set so high it kept changing the permissions on my wifi so I couldn't connect. Duh!
And as a bonus, he updated all my software, defragmented, deleted broken files, and optimized my overall OS. Fuck GeekSquad, I got HappyGuy! I'd totally do a website for him but he remains on the down low due to a booming roster of clientele. Hell, everything I learned about computers is due to him. If I ever moved out of state, I'd be so fucked! And not in a good way ;-)
Speaking of getting laid (which I am not) I decided to do the online dating thing. Wow. What a mess of rejects are out there! Get this:
- ~One guy told me some gaylord is blackmailing him and kept chiding me for drinking 2 beers on our date (WTF),
- ~One guy turned his nose at me because I'm a pc and not a mac,
- ~And another pulled a 180 calling me an idiot because I refused to upload chat software (Christ compels you, you demon assclown!)
- ~And last but not least, some dude I played guitar duets with in highschool tried to contact me-EEEWW! I don't think he realized who I was, thank god! Suffice to say the years have not been kind to this former jerk as his profile pic makes him look like some kind of rodent-eww! Nuff said. I'm off to the convent now.
- ~DATING SUCKS BEAR'S BALLS
Tags: